Satire

Opinion

Satire: AU men’s basketball team reflects on virtual start to season

By Nora Sullivan | February 17

‘When I saw an opportunity to pass, I lobbed the ball at my screen with total confidence’

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Opinion

Satire: McDowell hall elevator’s revival perceived as a prank after nearly a semester of construction

By Emily Brignand | February 7

'I was betting on the end of next semester for the elevator to be fixed'

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Opinion

Satire: AU officials host bourgeois dinner to discuss charging full price meal plans during pandemic

By Ian Thornbrugh | January 27

Students rejoice from the comfort of their parents’ homes

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Opinion

Satire: Students find new strategies to feign attentiveness on Zoom

By Nora Sullivan | January 26

Multitasking meal prep, fake Zoom backgrounds among schemes

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Opinion

Satire: Handshake recruits under-qualified students for high-ranking positions

By Nora Sullivan | January 25

‘Do they even vet these people?’

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Opinion

Satire: Campus-wide email blast ghost writer quits: ‘I can’t take the pressure’

By Owen Boice | January 24

Low engagement rate contributes to staffing change

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Opinion

Satire: First-year student returns home for Thanksgiving with entirely new personality

By Nora Sullivan | December 16

Family weighs in: Who is Kant, and what has he done with my son?

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Opinion

Satire: Triumphant escape: Exclusive interview with Wonk Cat

By Nora Sullivan | December 15

Wonk Cat talks cottage life, crochet and fine art

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Opinion

Satire: University offers staff union breadcrumbs in lieu of raise and benefits

By Owen Boice | December 9

AU adjusts slogan to “Change Can’t Wait (some restrictions may apply)”

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Opinion

Satire: Office of Campus Life issues statement on burnout

By Nora Sullivan | December 2

'We ask that students be mindful of the burden they place on the administration when they engage in the 'burnout' lifestyle'

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Opinion

Satire: Students forget how to take notes by hand

By Nora Sullivan | November 17

‘I haven’t written anything down in two years’

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Opinion

Satire: Library books disappointed no one checks them out anymore

By Owen Boice | November 11

Tensions rise as rogue books take action

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Opinion

Satire: Student researcher discovers sizable portion of classmates are future war criminals

By Owen Boice | November 5

Next most popular careers include robber barons and corporate lobbyists

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Opinion

Satire: A conversation with AU’s 4 most successful fall-breakers

By Nora Sullivan | November 1

‘Classes are a nuisance to the resume. Now that they’re canceled for the day, go get that Hillternship!’

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Opinion

Satire: New epidemic sweeps campus: imposter syndrome

By Nora Sullivan | October 20

Novel strain proves most dangerous strain yet

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Opinion

Satire: Sticky note messages on dorm windows lacking in creativity this fall

By Owen Boice | October 12

Director of admissions says sticky notes are important recruitment effort for prospective parents

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Opinion

Satire: Student walks in other direction to avoid potentially awkward encounter with Zoom classmate

By Owen Boice | September 23

“If I had said hello, what would we have even talked about?”

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