Satire

Opinion

Satire: Auxiliary Services vows to tell you what exactly they do by 2022

By Chris Whitbeck | December 3

A look inside the department that AU doesn’t want you to know about

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Opinion

Satire: AU student devotes his life to finally seeing the inside of the Student Health Center

By Caeden Cloud | November 29

Sophomore believes he’s uncovered a conspiracy about sinister activity in the center

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Opinion

Satire: If you thought voter suppression was good, just wait till you get a load of voter oppression, per exit polls

By Chris Whitbeck | November 16

Polls suggest Republicans may have better luck, and more fun, by outright oppressing voters

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Opinion

Satire: AU student terrified to admit he forgot to apply for an absentee ballot

By Lauren Patetta | November 15

If anyone finds out, he’s a dead man

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Opinion

Satire: TDR realizes it’s been operating in the wrong time zone

By Caeden Cloud | November 14

An unnoticed error during daylight savings five years ago explains why AU’s only dining hall closes so early

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Opinion

Satire: Students too hungry for political power to notice free food on election night

By Caeden Cloud | November 12

AU was so invested in the 2018 midterm elections that a full buffet went virtually untouched

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Opinion

Satire: Big if true: AU students remember climate change exists

By Nicole Klokiw | November 6

Students are scrambling to save their world one plastic straw at a time

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Opinion

Satire: “Everything is fine,” administration says, reflecting on the Hughes Hall fire

By Lauren Patetta | November 5

While campus crumbles, university officials look on the bright side

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Opinion

Satire: Turf war: AU freshmen form repair group in absence of 2Fix responses

By Caeden Cloud | October 31

Meet the students in charge of “StuFix,” AU’s newest student-run organization

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Opinion

Satire: Former administrator spooked by trick-or-treaters dressed as old, female professors

By Chris Whitbeck | October 31

“All they asked for was tenure!”

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Opinion

Satire: Senior university administrator responds to an email in timely fashion

By Nickolaus Mack | October 25

We can only hope that this new practice spills over to faculty

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Opinion

Satire: AU launches 'Spy School' program within new School of Covert Affairs

By Lauren Patetta | October 23

“We’re already graduating plenty of spies, but from now on we’re going to actually know about it"

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Opinion

Satire: New Green Route shuttle will take you to hell and back

By Bobbie Armstrong | October 17

Have fun trying to get to your internship on time

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Opinion

Satire: Unofficial official Seagle news broadcast

By Nickolaus Mack | October 15

From an electrical fire to legal action, AU proves to be more than just politically active

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Opinion

Satire: Tour group thrilled by amount of chain link fencing AU has to offer

By Ian Pritchard | September 27

Don’t even get them started on the gases buried in the ground

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Opinion

Satire: School of International Service to grant honorary degree to that kid in your World Politics course

By Nickolaus Mack | September 17

His unfailing ability to monopolize class discussion greatly impressed department chairs

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Opinion

Satire: Inspiring! This really mean freshman wrote her admissions essay about kindness

By Bobbie Armstrong | September 6

Her roommate had a breakdown and moved out after just one week

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